Subtweeting: Inside the Harmful New Social Media Trend

What is Subtweeting?

Subtweeting consists of using social media (Twitter being one example that inspired the name) to talk negatively about or gossip about a person without naming that individual specifically. All that people involved have to do is use descriptions, characterization or some sort of code to discuss the person with impunity. In some cases, this happens without the participants even realizing what they are doing.

Subtweeting is a way to escape responsibility because it can be hard to figure out who the perpetrators are discussing. In some cases, people become de facto contributors through seeing what is happening on their social media channel of choice and making the occasional offhand comment about it. Among digital trends for tweens, this is harmful because it is hard to blame any one person and the target can be difficult to identify. 

Is It Okay for Your Child to Practice This?

As one of the digital crazes for tweens that has dramatically grown in popularity, subtweeting is something you are most likely going to have to deal with at some point. When a person subtweets, they are essentially bullying the person being talked about. While this may not result in any kind of direct physical assault on the target, the emotional fallout can be significant.

How do you feel when people talk badly about you behind your back? How much worse do you feel when they use a description that could be you but might not, just so they can avoid taking any kind of responsibility for it? Even with adult level coping skills, this kind of behavior hurts the victim. 

If such a thing was happening to your child, it could bring on depression and a traumatic level of social isolation. If the idea of having your child's social circle subtweeting harsh things about them bothers you, it is your responsibility to keep this from happening as much as you can.

Fighting Back -- Monitor the Social Circle

One of the worst things about social media is that, much like within a small town environment, almost everyone can know just about everything about virtually everyone. Among digital trends for tweens is the tendency to be extremely communicative in an equally open channel. This means that you can use your interpretive skills and begin to spot patterns if you look closely. Are you noticing that a lot of negative posts have similar descriptions or euphemisms? 

Communicate With Your Child's Friends and Their Parents

While you may only notice one part of a subtweeting incident, other parents and their children may be noticing other components that you can piece together. This is something that many tweens will not want to share because "snitching" is considered bad form, so you will have to draw it out in order to learn anything of substance.

Encourage Your Child to Talk About Subtweeting

Talking about the issue at hand can bring it out into the open. If your child has been subtweeting, it is important to learn about this immediately so that you can work on getting it to stop. If your child is being subtweeted about in his or her social circle, it is important to learn about this so you can bring it up with other parents, teachers or coaches. The sooner your child reports this type of behavior, the sooner it can end.

Talk About Why This Behavior is Wrong

In our article 8 Online Etiquette Rules Every Tween Should Know, Common Sense Media's Parenting Editor Caroline Knorr discussed how the phenomenon of subtweeting often leaves people acting as bystanders. While your child may not be a primary perpetrator of subtweeting, participating in it is a problem that you can address immediately. Work to make your child understand that this hurts people. If they have a real problem with a peer, they should consider approaching them directly on the matter and they should never use social media as an outlet for their frustrations.

Subtweeting is a growing problem in youth culture, but as a parent you can do something about it. Parents must vigilant, understanding, and unafraid to dig a little deeper to discover the truth about a situation. Keep tabs on kids' social media activities in order to prevent yourself from being in the dark about subtweeting and other harmful digital trends.

https://www.uknowkids.com/

Cyberbullies use Internet to ‘subtweet’ their victims

The current generation is known for using various social networks to connect with one another. Although being able to communicate all the time may seem like a benefit, it has also led to an increase in forms of bullying such as making Facebook statuses like “I can’t believe you did that to me” or “You think you’re so cool for ditching me, you’re such a bad friend.”

In this new species of cyber-bullying, one references a certain person or issue on social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter without mentioning his or her name. On Twitter, this is called subtweeting. On Facebook, people just create indirect statuses.

Sophomore Kristina Hann recalls witnessing subtweeting on a daily basis.

“Often, when I’m on Twitter, I see it about one every ten tweets,” Hann said.

The comments are specific enough to make clear to the reader who is being discussed without explicitly saying his or her name. The writer can deny the offense, but everyone else in his or her circle knows who is being targeted.

Rachel Resnik, director of the Mindwell Psychology practice in Bethesda, believes this passive-aggressive method of problem solving is not beneficial for either party.

“With the particular method of subtweeting, it is most likely used to get around parental supervision,” Resnik said.

With the lack of parental control on the Internet, one has to freedom to vent their feelings in whatever terms he or she deem appropriate.

According to Katie*, who has been used in an indirect status, she was really hurt by the status because a lot of people knew who the status was talking about. She could not call the writer out on it, however, because he or she could easily deny that the status was about the source.

Most teenagers look at this way of venting as harmless and appropriate, but it still does not change that what they say online is permanent, public information.

“Technology has made it very easy for one to be aggressive,” said Resnik. “One doesn’t see the outcome of what they say or how the person reacts to what they say.”

Although this strategy would seem to be used by one who has low self-esteem, a 2002 study by psychologist George Schreer proved that those who have a higher self-regard are more inclined to use this method of aggression.

According to Rebecca*, who has used subtweeting to vent about her boyfriend, she believes people use this methods because it is easier for people to get their point across without making a big deal about the issue.

Even though these methods allow one to purge their feelings concerning an issue, it can lead to a greater problem than it needed to be originally.

For example, if one gets into an argument with a friend, and then writes about it on Facebook, it is indirectly getting more people involved in the conflict. Once more people become involved in the issue, it escalades from a petty issue into a greater problem that is more difficult to resolve.

One might not be able to control what another person writes on Facebook or Twitter, however, one can control his or her response to the issue by either ignoring it or responding to it in person rather than online.

“We could shut down subtweeting today, unfollow them and tell them we aren’t going to tolerate it anymore,” Resnik said. “However, we human beings are not good at stepping forward and defending someone.”

*source’s name was changed to protect their identity

- See more at: http://www.thechurchillobserver.com/features/2012/02/24/cyberbullies-use-internet-to-subtweet-their-victims/#sthash.xfbBPzFl.dpuf

Mean Girls on Twitter and Other Social Networks

"Don't Stand By, Stand Up"

“Cyber bullying” is defined as a young person tormenting, threatening, harassing, or embarrassing another young person using the Internet or other technologies, like cell phones. The psychological and emotional outcomes of cyber bullying are similar to those of real-life bullying. The difference is, real-life bullying often ends when school ends. For cyber bullying, there is no escape. And, it’s getting worse. Read on to get the facts.

1. Nearly 43% of kids have been bullied online. 1 in 4 has had it happen more than once.

2. 70% of students report seeing frequent bullying online.

3. Over 80% of teens use a cell phone regularly, making it the most common medium for cyber bullying.

4. 68% of teens agree that cyber bullying is a serious problem.

5. 81% of young people think bullying online is easier to get away with than bullying in person.

6. 90% of teens who have seen social-media bullying say they have ignored it. 84% have seen others tell cyber bullies to stop.

7. Only 1 in 10 victims will inform a parent or trusted adult of their abuse.

8. Girls are about twice as likely as boys to be victims and perpetrators of cyber bullying.

9. About 58% of kids admit someone has said mean or hurtful things to them online. More than 4 out 10 say it has happened more than once.

10. Bullying victims are 2 to 9 times more likely to consider committing suicide.

11. About 75% of students admit they have visited a website bashing another student.

Why it happens:

1. Empathetic Disconnect: 
This describes the inability to sense the emotions and feelings 
associated with the receipt of a message. In traditional 
bullying, an aggressor immediately sees the hurt they have 
caused the target. The lack of immediate emotional feedback 
in cyberbullying allows an aggressor to often continue the 
hurtful behaviors unchecked. Also, due to the ability to 
maintain anonymity on the Internet, an aggressor and target 
may never know each other or interact face-to-face. 

Why it's so hurtful:

2. The Infinite Bystander Effect: 
In a traditional bullying situation, the number of bystanders is 
limited to whoever is present at the time of the incident. With 
cyberbullying, the aggression remains present online and can 
be viewed by anyone with access to the web. 

Breaking Up with Your Best Friend

Breaking Up with Your Best Friend

1. Don't feel awkward about how upset you are. This one is important. I've been spending so much time thinking about it and being upset about it and complaining to my family and close friend about and I felt awkward about it. I started to think "it sounds awkward it sounds like I broke up with a boyfriend or something" and I started thinking I shouldn't be so upset. But then I started to really think about it and in a lot of ways breaking up with your best friend is worse then breaking up with most boyfriends. Think about it: boyfriends come and go, best friends are supposed to be forever. My best friend and I were friends for eight years and best friends for six. She became my SISTER. We ALWAYS hung out. Loosing that relationship is harder than loosing some guy you dated for a couple months. Don't feel awkward about feeling heartbroken- you loved them- not in a romantic way but being best friends is a serious relationship in its own form. 

 2. Let yourself be sad. Being sad doesn't mean you're not a strong person. It hurts your ego to admit that you're sad and it's easier to act like it doesn't hurt you but the quicker you're honest with yourself the quicker you can get through everything and on with your life. Which brings me to my next point. 

 3. Stop with the "I don't give a fuck." You do. I KNOW, I KNOW! IT'S HARD (that's what she said). I'm not even past this, I still do this when I tell people about it. I say "fuck her, I couldn't care less. she's a bitch." While the "she's a bitch" part and "fuck her" part is true the "i couldn't care less"... not so much. It SUCKS not having my best friend. It sucks that she's not fucking awesome anymore and I get lonely. And when something happens or I get excited she's not there to tell and I have no one else to tell who cares. Its hard and I am hurt over everything that happened. I miss her. Putting on a hard act doesn't change the fact that it hurts. Go ahead, tell people you don't care but be honest with yourself. "Denial ain't just a river in Egypt" y'all. 

 4. There is a difference between wanting to be friends again and missing their friendship. I miss the friendship I had with her. I do not wish to be friends again. What she is doing isn't really something I want to be a part of and isn't something I want in a friend. You CAN be sad about the loss and have a hard time and at the same time not really "want them back" for a lack of better words. 

 5. Give yourself time to grieve. Do what you do when you break up with someone! Cry, eat junk food, stay in bed all day. YOU LOST SOMEONE WHO WAS IMPORTANT TO YOU! Let yourself go through the natural breakup stages. 

 6. Listen to music that gets your pain and music that empowers you. Sad music helps you know you're not alone and helps you do the wallowing in self pity you need and the empowering music gives you the strength to go on with your day with a smile. 

 7. Don't fight with them. Say your piece then LEAVE IT AT THAT. It's already bad enough your bond is gone; you don't need to be at each other's throats. If you are constantly fighting with them it stops you from moving on from them. If you just drop it and cut them out of your life and never engage with them you move on. 

 8. Recognize when it's time to pick yourself up and move on. Yes, you need to let yourself be sad. Yes, you need to grieve and yes, you need to admit it does hurt. But eventually you have to move on. There is a fine line between getting yourself through the pain and wallowing in it forever. Have your period of time of being upset and all that jazz. Then pick yourself up and get on with your life. Start working towards being happy and focusing on finding new friends and new conections and new journeys. 

 9. Be okay with being alone. You had a deep connection with them. One that might be hard to find for again for a long fucking time. Be okay with that. You don't need a best friend and it's okay to not have friends for a bit. I actually think its been great having alone time. It gives you time to focus on how to better your life and not worry about anyone else. It makes you stronger and gives you the confidence to walk alone. Go to the movies alone, go to the concert alone, do whatever alone. It's not embarrassing and can be even more fun. 

 10. You DO NOT need them. The only person you need is yourself. The sooner you recognize that the better. Hell even if you're not going through a best friend break up this is important. You don't need someone to lean on, you don't need someone to make you happy. All you need is yourself and this time without them can really show you that and teach you how to see that and really do that.

 11. They are not worth your time, your tears, or your pain. They did something that sucked. No one who hurts you deserves your time. Like I said have your sad time but then you need to realize this. If they were worth your time you wouldn't being going through all of this and you'd probably be out having coffee with them. Your friendship ended for a reason and the reason is usually in some form that they are no longer good for you. Don't waste your time on people who aren't good for you. 

 12. Time heals most most wounds / This too shall pass.  I don't expect to feel completely better for a long time. I mean she was my friend for EIGHT YEARS! And I'm sure you guys feel the same way. But time does heal wounds and makes things easier. You get used to not having them in your life and the sadness fades and fades until it goes away. I'm sure many of you have had other wounds you thought would never heal and they did. This will to. 

 13. DO YOU! Go on your own adventures! Do things that make YOU happy! You just got through fucking heartbreak- you are STRONG! Now go out do the things that make you happy and rock it. dude! 

 14. When one door closes, another opens. Yes this is an ending, but its also a begining! Its the begining of a new chapter for you! You're stronger now and there are more people out there then them and more important things then them. Do the things you want to do, better your life and work towards your goals. Focus on yourself and your life and who knows you might find even a even better person or people along the way. 

 15. Somethings just aren't meant to last. They may not be important in your life anymore but they once were and that is fine and a friendship ending doesn't change the fact that it exisisted. As mad as I am at my now ex best freind- I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have her friendship all those years. She got me through shit and for a long time made my life better. She just doesn't anymore and that's okay. Somethings aren't meant to be forever. We got each other through hard times, through middle school, through high school. I think we were meant to be sisters through those years. I truely beleive we were meant to be best friends for those years. But now our paths are seperating us and that is how life goes. People are going to enter and leave your life even people you never thought would leave. Hell, I thought her kids would be calling me Aunt Lacey and vice versa. I was wrong and it hurts but its teaching me an important lesson. It's teaching me how to let go and move on. I hope these things helped you. I know it sucks. But we will get through it and we will grow from it. 

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